I upgraded my iPhone to IOS 7 today and it so smooth looking that it makes it easier on my eyes, it has cool new features that make moving around the phone’s applications faster and smarter, and they seem to have been able to make it more intuitive (at least that is my opinion). All this got me to thinking about my life. What would it be like if I could get an upgrade to a new ME. A “start over” on life if you would, that I could design and make as I think it would be best. I could give you a list that would take up a whole ream of paper just in things that I would fix about myself. Wouldn’t that be neat. Then again… maybe not. I am going to have to update my iPhone in a few months or even weeks to fix all the “bugs” that come out as the IOS is used and abused. So in reality if I gave myself an upgrade I would be just starting over from scratch and having to redo everything that I have done, learned, and lived to this point. To be totally honest, I don’t think so!!! God has been updating me ever since I accepted Him as my Savior, and the operating system that I have is given by Him. I know that I could never on my own make one as perfect for me as He has made for me. So, I will keep this IOS, the updates I have had so far and those that are to come. I am really looking forward to the day when He will personally give me my final upgrade. Now that will be the best IOS ever.
BFF Wednesdays
I guess after yesterday’s fantastic day, NOT! My very sweet husband decided that I needed a day to do whatever I wanted to do! Wonderful, SLEEP, hide in my bed with the bedsheets over my face and never come out again, cry, take a shower, get angry, cray again and then go back to sleep. I don’t think that is exactly what he had in mind. I still like the sleep part but I suppose I really should’t sleep the whole day away, as tempting as that may sound. Since my BFF and I have been making Wednesdays each week “Our” day for a few months now and this just happen to be Wednesday I knew I was going to be having to climb out of my hole anyway. I didn’t really feel like going out (hiding under the sheets in bed really did sound quite appealing) but I knew that wouldn’t do. So I hopped in her car and off we went. What we do on these days doesn’t really matter as much as the fact that we are doing something does. You see we both would rather hide at times, and we both know it about each other, and so we created our BFF Wednesdays. We spend the day, afternoon or evening together and make each other get out of the house, run away if you will. This has helped both of us as it is really hard to stay depressed, angry, menopausal… you get the drift if the other person you are with is making you laugh because they are being so silly. I am so glad that God knows me so intimately that He brought her into my life. My BFF is just what I need, someone I can be totally honest with, act like my true self, cry, laugh, and cry from laughing so hard with. We have had so many wonderful, heartbreaking, silly, clumsy, life living moments together that have made this journey much more bearable.
When my mood and the moon get the best of me.
I am not sure how my husband does it. I am not sure I could last more than an hour if I had to live with myself when I am this way. To say I get short tempered would be the nice way to put it. This is one of the parts of turning fifty that I would definitely change back in a heart beat. The combination of past and present (if you get my drift) makes for a bad chemical, hormonal, emotional and whateveral you want to add to that mix. It actually makes for a dangerous one. I find that my mind wanders to angry thoughts, thoughts that only a few days ago I would not have conceived of. If you cross my path in a way I perceive as wrong, even if you didn’t even know I was there, I might have thoughts of how I would slowly make your life a living h… oops sorry there I go. I use to know when I would be feeling this way and my husband could take the appropriate measures to insure that he could make clean getaways. Now well, your guess is as good as mine, and for how long I will be feeling this way, sorry charlie it could be weeks. Though I sure hope not because, though they may not believe me when I say this, I don’t like myself when I am this way. I want to feel happy again! Until then RUN, it is probably the safest thing for you.
No one has it this bad.
I am ready to call it quits. Not really, but it does sound intriguing. I have been running around these last few days getting all I can possibly get done and when I turn around it doesn’t look like I have done a thing. I am sure that I am the only one in this world who has this problem. I am sure of this since it helps me when I want to roll around in my pity party. Don’t stop me, this feels good. I mean after all no one else has it this bad!!! I mean really, I have a husband who just had surgery on not one but BOTH hands (think nuts and you would be close), and a knee that I so gracefully made mincemeat out of by tripping over a basket of clean clothes (I never said that I was this City’s idea of a Miss Nimble). I am finding that I have to take more time to do ANYTHING. I mean doing something takes me away from my hurting “Honey Bunny” and that makes him sad and therefore me sad. Then there is my knee reminding me of my lack of elegance and my back likes to remind me that I am now 50 and things are on a steady and rapid decline. But I digress, you would never feel like this as I am sure that I am the only one who has trouble with their body after 50 (or even before if we were to be honest). Add to my list of laments all the crazy hormones that run through me that make me want to break down sobbing one minute to debating how to go “Dexter” on someone the next. When you add this all together you come up with a pretty sad looking life. So once again I say, I know I am the only one who goes through this and I am the only one that would ever even understand this! Right!! Of course wrong! I know that my problems are just a drop in the bucket compared to what some others have and I must keep reminding myself of that. I am 50, and I still have to remind myself of that. You would think that by now I would have gotten this down, that I would be past the pity party stage of life, but I’m not and to be honest I am not sure when, if ever, I can be. I know that God loves me, just the way I am. And He helps me to keep moving closer to Him. Christianity 101 you say, yes, but still something I have to remind myself of. Sometimes it is just good to write (type) it out and get it out. This has helped.
Suddenly Fifty 